French Dreams

Calanque Sugiton in Marseille, FR. One of the most beautiful places I have ever been

I recently went to France, and was filled with a renewed desire to live abroad, particularly in France. When I was there, I tentatively set myself a goal to live abroad before I’m 30. I’m not being very prescriptive about this – it could be for 2 months, or 2 years, and could be someplace as close as Toronto or as far as Taiwan. But since coming back, I alternate between feeling very confident about that goal, and feeling uncertain about it.

Hesitations about this

I have a lot of worries about moving to France, or just living abroad. Some of this is because I’m a generally anxious person who worries a lot. Some of these might be legitimate concerns. It’s hard to tell.

First, I have some worries about even writing about this publicly. I’m scared that a current or prospective employer might find this, and presume that I’m not sufficiently dedicated to my current role. Or that I’ll commit myself to a course of action without an ability to change it by hitting “Post” on a blog post. Or, I fear that committing to a goal raises the stakes of failure. If I tell my friends I want to move to France, and don’t follow through, it will tarnish my reputation.

Second, I’m scared that this might be a misguided desire or might end up being a mistake, for several reasons. 

My fascination with North American French

In the winter of 2018, I studied abroad in Paris, France for 6 weeks as part of the CIEE Open Campus Program. It allowed you to live in 3 different cities over the course of a semester, with 6 weeks in each. I studied in Paris, Madrid and Berlin.

When I chose my arrangement of cities, it was actually Madrid and Berlin that I really wanted to go to. Madrid, because it was the only Spanish speaking city, and I had been studying Spanish in school at that point and wanted to practice. Berlin was because I was interested in Cold War and WW2 history (the former was mostly from playing Call of Duty).

Montréal Reflections

I just finished an 8 day trip to Montréal (with 2 days on either end in Toronto). I had some expectations about this trip that I don’t think were met, but still learned many lessons from it that I’ll share today.

My expecations about this trip

This is my second long solo trip. The first one was when I went to Mexico City in February 2020 for 10 days. I went to explore the city, get out of the cold Michigan winter, and see the Monarch Butterfly Preserve. I also wanted to immerse myself in a Spanish speaking environment, and use Spanish. I ended up speaking a decent amount of Spanish to get around, but ended up speaking mostly English with the other people at the hostel.

5am in Paris

On Sunday was the Superbowl, the culmination of the NFL Playoffs. The Philadelphia Eagles defeated the New England Patriots to be crowned the 52nd Superbowl champions (and Philly nearly burned down after). I watched more out of a duty to American culture rather than a desire to see either team play. I ended up rooting for the Eagles, but that was more because I was cheering against the Patriots (Go Bills!).

Paris is 7 hours ahead of Minneapolis, so when the Superbowl began at a reasonable 5:30pm local time, it was already 12:30 AM in Paris. Since I don’t have a TV in my apartment, my roommate and I trekked to Galway Irish Pub near the Notre Dame cathedral. It’s one of the many Irish, British, or Canadian sports bars in Paris that stayed open for the duration of the Superbowl.

We arrived on the second to last metro of the night, and made our way upstairs to a table overlooking the River Seine. The bar was pretty narrow, maybe 30 to 40 feet in length. The first floor had the bar, with a glass paned room flanking the door. Several TVs lined the walls, all turned to the SkySports stream of the game, complete with British announcers and (sadly) no American TV Advertisements. My friend from Michigan had saved us two seats, and there were already 7 other American students there with us. Behind my seat in the other corner of the mahogany lined pub were a group of French diners, and behind my friend was a group of British patrons. Kiddy corner to us were a particularly obnoxious group of French people, 2 guys, and 2 girls.

At first, I thought they were American because one of the guys was wearing a shirt that said “Rush ’17”, and on the back the greek letters for some fraternity. It turns out they were French based on their accents. What was really weird for me was that they would be speaking in French, but then would throw in English phrases or pop culture references. They began singing Hotline Bling by Drake (“I know when that hotline bling…do do do do do), but the “do do do” part was not the correct melody. They would also use what I think were American mannerisms, like taking shots (I later noticed they were taking shots of water), and chanting at things that happen. When they showed Tom Brady’s baby, the French group started chanting “La Bébé,La Bébé, La Bébé” over and over again. They would also talk in somewhat broken English for stretches at a time.

At first, I thought they were actually mocking us. But the more and more I listened in, I realized that they might actually be genuinely trying to act American. For their part, they were the only French group on the second floor that actually stayed for the duration of the Superbowl (everyone else left around 2am). When I brought this up to our Intercultural Communications and Leadership teacher, he reinforced this point. It seemed like what I mistook for obnoxious behavior was actually an attempt at acting culturally U.S. American.

I think my discomfort was that the way they were acting was unnatural. It’s as if somewhat had told them how Americans acted (or they learned it from pop culture) but they had never actually talked to a U.S. American in the process. The converse for French people would be if an American walked out of the metro wearing stripes, a beret, and carrying an entire baguette in hand. When people adopt only some, but not all aspects of your culture, it starts to produce an uncanny valley effect.

If we attempt to learn anything about a culture (mannerisms, beliefs, language) divorced from people of that culture, we are probably destined to act the way those French people acted. Lesson of the day is to always try to interact with natives and constantly evaluate the validity of the stereotypes you hold. Maybe the French do enjoy wine and cheese, but before assuming so, we should try to talk to some actual French people to see 1) if it’s true, and 2) how they actually express that fact.